Beat #309 | Hanging Off the Arm of An Idiot
I Can't Wait To Dance Inside the Warlock Zone
DOOT!
Original Release Date: 03/02/2614
Throughout the Intergalactic Beets Project, dear Audionauts, there are numerous cases of mismanagement among bands. From Nedley Femtome and Colonel Snow Barkman to Sad Dog and Mad Dog Shea, a maniacal manager can be the final nail in a career destined for greatness. DOOT! (Oxiqlickians Jormo and Sweeze) were another in a long line of up-and-comers taken advantage of by negligent greed. However, credit where credit is due: Jormo and Sweeze noticed their bank accounts and their peers' skyrocketing success and, thankfully, took action. Their manager, Weedle Wasuttiomakilonni, was a bloated tick of an Oxiqlickian, hungry for deepisnogs and thirsty for a RAT Soda, and always hurting for money. DOOT! had blasted onto the scene with their debut DOOT!!TOOD a fast-paced, synth epic that rocked with punk sensibilities, wrapped up in a sludgy overcoat. The success of that album meant relentless touring, unauthorized merchandise, and a staggering 80% of the proceeds to Weedle. After conversations with other bands on the 2613 Summer Contortion Tour, Jormo and Sweeze began to suspect their manager of unscrupulous behavior. In a bid for revenge, they agreed that their new album would be titled Wombo, after Weedle's daughter, a rising star in her own right (pure nepotism); this gave them the space to prepare their delicious vengeance. Thankfully, studio time was DOOT!'s time, and Weedle failed (or perhaps did not care) to intervene, hoping to count his winnings in short order. When the album was shipped off for mastering, the duo sent a digital message to Weedle confirming that the album, which was now called I Can't Wait To Dance Inside the Warlock Zone (a nonsense title meant explicitly to annoy), was ready for the art department. Confused, their manager sent a flurry of messages back, wondering if there had been some miscommunication (in language that was less than pleasant). In return, DOOT delivered the final blow: "We know what you are, you filthy son of a bgartuk! You're FIRED. Expect termination in about...well, they should be there right about now." A termination squad was upon his door, kicking it in with the help of a battering ram. His last two desperate messages were met with a flashing ellipses indicating that DOOT! was composing a reply. But it never came. Digital handcuffs had been applied, and Weedle Wasuttiomakilonni was dragged away into the ether (and a lifetime of breaking rocks in the hot suns of Oxo III). This exchange became legendary, and a screenshot of Weedle's final plea was captured forever on the album's cover; a warning to those who wished to rip away control from DOOT! and the next generation of beatmakers. Taking a step forward, I Can't Wait To Dance Inside the Warlock Zone is the clear next step in their anger: from societal pressure to the wringer they were put through, both emotionally and physically, after the release of their first album. It is captured here not in outright rage but in deep reflection; they had identified the problem and solved it. The album was the journey itself, not the destination, and with it came their trademark punk fury mixed with the groovy soul of the satisfying heights which had temporarily eluded them. While the creatures of the Universe are apt to choose violence and greed above heartfelt empathy, we remain optimistic that DOOT! was the beginning of the end for tricksters and hucksters. Dear Audionauts, we encourage you to keep those receipts and, if you have to, leave the toxicity on read.
Side A
Monte Cryysteau
Backburner
Overdraft Penalty
Whose Side Are You On, Anyway?
Side B
No Left on Red
Dancing for Change
Hanging Off the Arm of An Idiot
Inside the Warlock Zone