Carnivoyeur
Original Release Date: 11/02/6500 (1500 AM)
We've all been there, Audionauts: caught between the proverbial rock and the ever-present hard place. Carnivoyeur were at a loss as to what would become of them as they bandied about their studio basement (owned by drummer Annqui's mother). On one hand, their first-ever record contract was a boon to their pockets and bank accounts; on the other, they were at the mercy of a host of bureaucratic, operational deadlines. While the instruments, the songs, and the studio were all theirs, it was the rights to the music (and the intergalactic tour that would follow) that were being handled by their label (the now-defunct Atomic Islands Records). Could they bring themselves to produce the beats they were expected to, or would they rebel and unleash their inner souls to the rising fanbase hungry for more than just an EP (6499's Is This Thing Even On?). Their band name came from a passing remark about their bassist Pterry's penchant for salivating over food that wasn't exactly his own. His appetite and his gawking entranced him fully during these bouts, synthesizing his beats into a seance-like flow that encouraged dancing over, say, revenge or greed. With his underlayment fueling the band's sound, it was only a matter of time before they were discovered by the aforementioned bigwigs at Atomic Islands Records. Now, stuck in the basement with their first album due to the Secure Intergalactic Computational Cloud (SICC), they hesitated. When they finally hit the return key and sent the data packets through the cosmos, they did so with conviction and joy. Now, what the executives in their fancy corner offices overlooking the acid fields heard was far from what they had negotiated, but because they couldn't tell one band from another in their massive catalog, they assumed this was what the younglings these days were into. Calling the uploaded album bad is an understatement. Terrible, horrible, and really, really unpleasant are just a few ways to describe the noise that emanated from the vinyl once the needle dropped. But what was Carnivoyeur's true endgame? Well, dear Audionauts, if you caught them on their 6500 tour, you would have heard It's Crazy We Didn't Think of This Before, a bouncy, trance-like trip through the youthful minds of Annqui, Pterry, Ego, and Cera as they navigated adulthood with all the subtlety of an asteroid. Plinky keyboards hustle over echoing tom-toms, driven by a bassline that hungers and satiates with the tastiest of melodies. The album title itself, and the band's most popular song, paid homage to their devilish plan. Why not upload nonsense to the silver-spooned and delight the Universe in their own brand, while still keeping the music under their own copyright? They sold bootleg cassette copies out of the back of their van and made T-shirts from thrifted clothing and discarded colored markers. It endeared them to their audience and ensured a second (and third) album would follow. Would their scheme work again, or would their label suddenly find themselves red-faced and out for revenge? Sorry to spoil the fun, dear Audionauts, but there would be no sequel, only the destruction, mostly, of any copies of It's Crazy We Didn't Think of This Before. The band was sued under Section XI of Intergalactic Law through the Supreme Council's emergency docket system, dooming Carnivoyeur to bankruptcy and, unfortunately, irrelevancy. However, we may protect their legacy by spinning the eight tasty beats of It's Crazy We Didn't Think of This Before on repeat, so their second death may be granted a stay of execution, hopefully in perpetuity.
Side A
Side Hustle
It's Crazy We Didn't Think of This Before
Breakfast? Just Screaming For Me, Thanks!
Give 'Em the Runaround
Side B
Peep This
Too Sick To Care
Check This Out?
Opened My Snack Above A Sewer Drain Again